I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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