you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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