he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
