My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
