Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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