She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
porn star boner night. come get it.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
