You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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