I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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