I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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