We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
