I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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