That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
