i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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