that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
