at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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