I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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