What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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