okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
