we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
