I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
How's work?
Spinning.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
