Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
We just shotgunned beers for America
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
