They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
