How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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