Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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