Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
babies were throwing up all over the place
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
i now understand why vodka
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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