Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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