my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
