I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
