You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
