Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
