I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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