I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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