No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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