Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
