Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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