please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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