bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
