Will you blow on my dice?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
He had one of those small greek statue penises
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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