Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
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I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
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So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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