I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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