forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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