I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
We left the knife in your bed.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
