I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just threw up on my dentist
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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