Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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