Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
