I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
