My liver just broke up with me...
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
