Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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