i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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