having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
