your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
