i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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