i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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