I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He passed out mid-signature
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
