Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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