Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
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after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
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he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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