3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
