don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
