Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
