you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
