I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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