put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
