When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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