it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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