Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
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