Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Randomize