I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
it's like heaven, but drunker
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Randomize
