do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
