I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
