Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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