So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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