Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i wish my penis had a tongue
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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